This next step into my future is taking a really long time moving forward. I don't exactly know in the moment why I have been waiting so long to leave on my mission, but I can tell you one thing it is really hard. I believe there are a few steps every waiting missionary goes through, or at least I am, and they are:
4. W A I T I N G
9. Pure Happiness and Sadness
It isn't easy preparing to go on a mission after you have received your call. All these steps whether they are in this order or not are trying. There are so many things trying to divert your path, but one thing to always remember is stay true to your heart and your Heavenly Father. If temptation or doubt is kicking you in the butt kick it back.
In the past week I had this feeling that going on a mission was just an idea, and it would never come around and happen. I honestly started breaking down on the inside with stress and sadness that I was going or if I should still go. My mom and best friend of course noticed something wrong with me because I wasn't being crazy and happy all the time. I shared with my mom that I am full of fear, and the main fear is just leaving all the people I love. Then this thought came into my mind, "It will be hard leaving and missing everyone you love, but you are lucky enough to have people in your life worth missing." I don't know what will happen in the 18 months I am gone, or how things will be when I come home, but I can't worry about the future it comes whether you are ready or not, but I will always have the people I love right there in this journey with me
Reminder: being afraid of things going wrong isn't the way to make things go right.
I realized yesterday that saying goodbye will be hard no matter what I do to plan or prepare for it, but it will be the "worst goodbye I have ever loved to say" -Nashville Tribute. I am grateful that I have so many people supporting me, and although they make me want to stay home, they give me all the support I need to go. For the first time through this whole process I can say that I am excited to hug my family goodbye, and that is a huge step for me.
"Smile, things are going to work out. You may not see it now, but just know God is directing you to a much greater happiness." -unknown
33 DAYS LEFT FOLKS the wait it almost over....or at least I hope!
My time is a ticking!